The Funk

Here is a little Friday stream of consciousness for you... Happy weekend! :)

It is funny. All that time spent in graduate school has given me a new perspective post-graduation. While I am SUPER grateful to be done with homework, late nights reading articles or textbooks, or group projects, I am finding that this time after graduating has been fun and relaxing, but different. While life and work and normal responsibilities still are moving at a fast pace, I am finding that all the things I thought about doing post-graduation, I am lacking the routine or discipline to actually do them. I had projects GALORE I wanted to do once being done with school. All those nights I was writing or meeting virtually with group members on projects, I had a list of "man, I wish I was doing [insert some form of fun that doesn't involve schoolwork here]". I even wished I had time to clean...like clean your whole house clean. Now that I have that time, I am having a difficult time making a routine. Scheduling my days to accomplish something outside of normal work hours. Once I get home, I just want to watch tv. I have never been a big tv watcher, but now, that's much of what I find myself doing. My books I have from the library even remain unread. What is going on?!  I need to get myself back on track and find a good rhythm. When you are forced to do hours of schoolwork, you just do it. It is hard, not fun, but it forces productivity. I can't handle not doing something productive. Just sitting is so foreign to me it makes me feel almost guilty for doing it. I guess, like in all things, I need to find a balance. I need to balance sitting watching tv time with doing projects or other household activities. I mean, I have been keeping up with routine cleaning, etc better than when I was in school, but the extra projects seem to be just waiting to be addressed and I keep putting it off. I am not a procrastinator, for the most part. Why am I suddenly doing this? I need to get out of this funk. This "wanting to be lazy" funk. I need to get on a schedule...you know I love a good list:) looks like it is to the drawing board on "being productive post-school".

I'll let you know how this all turns out... :)

Habits & Rabbits

Ok, so this post really has nothing to do with Rabbits. I just liked how it sounded. I am not a poet, but if I get a chance to rhyme a word or two, I feel like telling my high school self that it will turn out ok that you can’t master writing a haiku or other poetry types. (Confession: yes, I have been laughed at, by a teacher, with how poor my poem-writing-skills were, in front of the whole class). But that is neither here nor there…I’m beyond my need to write poetry. Doesn’t really suite me anyway, just not my thing. 

But ANYWAYS, back on track. Reeling it in.

Habits. I googled “define: habits” and this is what pops up:

Pretty straight forward and applicable. Minus the taking of drugs part. Just say no.

Anywho, I have gotten into a bad “regular tendency or practice” of not eating as healthy as I should, and not exercising regularly. I blame two things: I started dating KGK and I became happy, so why work out?; and I started grad school.

So now, I am more than 2 years beyond the start of KGK and I starting our fun-filled journey together and my grad work is behind me. I have gotten into quite the slump and extra humps (graphic, I know, how do you think I feel?!). So it is time to get myself back into better shape. I will never be within my ideal weight/BMI range for my height. Never have been. And even when I played sports with morning and evening practices and constantly on the go when I was younger, I was NEVER within those ranges. I was always like 20 pounds more than those. Not sure how they come up with that stuff, but I had two things going against me: big hips (even in middle school when those suckers started spreading), and big boobs (even at my lowest, these suckers are just big).

So now that I have gotten extremely personal and said things on the web that my mother would probably freak out over (sorry mom, but just being honest about the girls), I have decided to get myself into a workout routine and making healthier eating choices.

Now first, let me explain. I am not an expert. I will mess up. I love beer and wings, so those will still be in my food consumption every so often. However, I am making small choices to ensure I am feeding my body what it needs MOST of the time, and having those “fun” things only some of the time. My some and MOST have been flip flopped for the past couple years. So it is time to flip flop them back again. Get myself back on track and be a better and healthier me.

Ok, next. Working out. UGH. Say it with me…UGH. Well, time to get that kicked into high gear too. I am not planning to start going to the gym 5+ days a week. I will not spend more than an hour or so there at a time. Because let’s face it, if I place too big of a goal, I have more room to miss it and fail. So, I am starting small. I plan to go to the gym at least 3 times a week. If it doesn’t happen, I will try to do it the next week. Life happens. You can’t always be a machine and stay on schedule or keep to regimens as we hope we can. So I am allowing myself to be flexible, but not be lazy. I am going to force myself out of bed in the morning to go to the gym. I will be sure to go to classes or get a workout in even after long days at work. Enough forcing and it will be an easier push eventually. I will get in the habit of it again. I used to frequent the gym 4 times a week before grad/KGK happiness entered my life. Now, with more going on, I expect 3 times a week for myself. I want to be healthier and fitter so that I can be active for more years of my life. I don’t want to have a family and not be able to go outside and kick around a soccer ball or not go for hikes. I want my kids to see their momma as active and going on adventures. They need to see me making the time to take care of myself so that they will do those same things too. 

So now starts the hard part. Getting into the habit. Habit making is hard, habit breaking is easy and so much more fun. But once something is a everyday practice, it becomes easier. Making my coffee every morning is a habit. I enjoy it. Being healthy can be the same too. I just have to get over the initial work to get it brewing.

Received this gem from a friend today.

So my goals are to get some poundage off and be healthier. I will need all the help I can get, so any encouragement or words of advice/wisdom are greatly appreciatedJ

~AMK

Dear Future Self: WE did it!

Dear Future Self,

I want you to remember today. This moment. This last night. You have been working so hard to get this degree finished, and you are here. You have made it. You just have one presentation left, and you have your Master's degree...GO YOU!

Future Self, I want you to remember what this feels like. The excitement, the anticipation, the I-CAN'T-BELIEVE-I-MADE-IT feeling. It has been a hard couple years. There has been less sleep, more stress, lots of reading and writing, too much snacking (which in turn lead to gaining the grad school 15...yeah don't be fooled...it is not limited to college freshmen...UNFORTUNATELY!), and not enough exercising. But, it is worth it! You made it. You got through working full time, starting to date your now-husband, got married, had a mini-moon (our short honeymoon because of being in the middle of the semester), and many fun events having to be turned down because I had homework to do. No more turning down working out, or going out with friends, or watching a moving with the hubs. I get to be a normal adult! Well, let's be honest. Normal will never be a word that accurately describes me, but I can at least attempt to be normal:)

I can't believe I made it and I now need to do a round of thanks...picture it like at the grammy's or another award show, except I am sitting at home, in PJ's and the audience I currently have is my dog watching to see if I drop a morsel of a snack to him. But I really am grateful for all the support my friends and family have given me during this time. SO here it goes:

First.....KGK...well, you rock! You met me just a couple weeks before I started this graduate school journey and you have been with me through it all. You have only known me to be a grad student. I am excited to show you who I am without homework and other school stuff to do. I can't wait to have more time for us.  I am glad I can now pull my own weight when it comes to normal life stuff like cleaning and errands.  During this whole process, you would walk the dog, do errands or chores, or just sit there and tell me I could do it when I needed to hear it most. You are the most supportive person I have ever met, and I am so grateful for you. :)

And to my friends...thank you for not giving up on me with all my "I can't hang out" or cutting fun short because I had to do more homework. Thanks for still being my friend even though I was so busy and I didn't give you a lot of my time. Well now, I have more time! Let's celebrate! :) Beer? wings? let's make it happen.

And to my family, y'all have been awesome. Listening to my rants and raves, and ups and downs about my various classes, scheduling issues, and whatever else it was at the time. You listened. I talked. and talked. But you still listened. You had no idea what I was talking about, but you still listened. So thank you for that! :)

So future self, as life gets busy with other things, because we know it will, just remember this moment just before the finish. Remember how it feels to have 2+ years of late evenings, lots of papers and group projects, and all that hard work paying off. And remember that you didn't do it without the support of your family and friends. They made it happen as much as you did sitting doing those assignments....

So basically....

CONGRATS Y'ALL. We made it!

:)

I'm off to do my last presentation of grad school...here goes nothing EVERYTHING! :)

~AMK

Not 36 hours ago...

Every have one of those days where you are completely overwhelmed and have so much on your to-do list that you just do nothing. Nothing. I mean, your list is screaming at your for attention, yet you sit on the couch, watch TV and eat like crap, when you know you should be up and moving and getting stuff done. You even have conversations about how you need to get so much done, yet you still sit there despite your best efforts to pump yourself up.  Instead, you watch 3 movies in a row and neglect grocery shopping, cleaning and all other things you need to get done on those precious 48 hours we have of our own called, the weekend. Yeah, that was yesterday. I sat on the couch ALL DAY. I think there is a permanent mold of where I was lounging. Well, I lie. I did shift from one couch to the other as the evening went on. Then fell asleep on the couch until 2 am when I finally made it back to the bedroom. OH Yeah, productivity at its best:)

But I will say, sometimes you need to have those days.  You get yourself so worked up and worried about all that needs to get done that you don't actually have any energy left to do those things. So Sunday, was my day of rest. I did some homework in the morning, but I did NOTHING the rest of the day. I didn't realize how much I needed it. I think I would have gone crazy crazier if I didn't just do nothing. It was so nice.

So now, I am refreshed. My task list doesn't seem as daunting as it did just 36 hours before. I am ready to tackle it now.  I am ready to do all those things that I set aside for some much needed rest and laziness.

So here is to revitalized energy and going full force into my to-do list....

 And here is to you too...because we all know everyone's lives are crazy at times....go you. :)

~AMK

The Crazy List Update

So if you read my post about remembering this time of my life in lieu of a letter to my Future Self, then Future Self, I am happy to report that we have checked off a GREAT DEAL from our wedding to-do list and I am feeling SO MUCH BETTER :)

But let's back things up a little...

Last week, I was going crazy. Not literally, because let's face it, I am already there. ;) I was just overwhelmed by all that was going on. So, I sat down and made my good ole fashioned list of all that was in my brain, all jumbled around and in need of escape. So this list....I wrote down all that needed to be done and actually got quite a bit checked off! KGK and I worked like madman and madwoman to get a large chunk of our to-do done. And we did! Here's the low-down (another list, you say?! I love it. It is a sickness, really). :)

1. We finalized our food/menu and some of the logistics of how that would go.
2. We finalized our hotel stuff for our guests (made sure the right amount of rooms were still set aside).
3. We made both my bouquet and my maid of honor's bouquet.
4. We created our photographer and videographer checklists.
5. I started transposing the design of our programs onto its finalized draft with color.
6. KGK started the insides of the programs and what it would say and how it would be formatted.
7. We created our schedules for the entire weekend basically and made the Wedding Day schedule.
8. I purchased stuff for our friend who is making the cake.
9. Did I mention this is a DIY wedding? YHL..you would be so proud:)

We may have done a couple other things too, but they are slipping my mind. Not bad!

I am starting to feel a lot better about the next few weeks now. While I still have homework (oh, yeah I had homework to do this weekend too! haha), I feel like a huge weight is lifted because of how much we accomplished this weekend. Always feels so good when you can check stuff off your list.

Should KGK be worries with how much love I have for lists?? I like to think it is one of the reasons why he loves me:) I will live in ignorance:)

Enjoying some cooler temperature...does this mean I can get all fall decorations out now? I think orange is moving up into one of the favorite colors category.

Until next time...

~AMK

Dear Future Self: Time Enjoyed

Dear Future Self,

Remember: Life will always seem crazy. We usually fill our 24 hours of the day with a lot of busyness. Sometimes it is TV watching, homework, working out, or hanging out with friends. ETC. ETC. ETC.

Cup number 2 of the day

I know that these very busy days we have been having lately (and have scheduled to happen in the next several weeks as we lead up to our wedding), and they need to be treasured. So here are some things that I want you remember when life is so different several years and decades from now. [like...Do you still run on coffee as much as I do right now??] So here is your life as an engaged girl in the last month of preparing for your wedding:

Soon-to-be ~ AMK

~Name Change. This is the last month that I will still be technically single. I will have this last name for only 1 month more, then I will have a new last name and be known to people only by that name. People who have known me forever will know me as AMM to AMK. But people I will meet after our wedding day, will know me only as AMK. That is so crazy to me, but also so exciting! (Future self, how is it to be AMK? Do you ever accidentally sign your old name even though it has been changed for years now??). I wonder these things:)

So very tired...

~Sleep. I am a person that needs a lot of sleep. Like, 9 hours a night. (You are probably laughing at me future self!!) Otherwise, a lot of my stomach issues start to act up and can cause me to have several weeks or months of issues. Therefore, sleeping is a wonderful thing for me so I can tackle my days fully and completely. I don't understand how some people can operate on 5-6 hours a sleep a night and be ok. Now, I don't always get my 9 hours that I like because let's face it, life doesn't work like that. So I try to do what I can to get as much as possible because I feel so much better when I do. But right now? Not happening. After work, I have just a few precious hours before I start to do the head-bobbing, crash on the couch until the TV wakes me up, bit. So after work, I try to fit in a workout, do homework, cook something for dinner, and do wedding preparations. That's a lot for just a few hours before bed. Oh yeah, and laundry or cleaning. HAHA, yeah, that doesn't always happen. ;)

Having a beer with homework? Don't mind if I do! ;)

~Homework. I LOVE school. The deadlines, the task lists, and the ability to further myself. Right now, I am trying to get ahead on my work so I won't have to do anything while family is in town for the wedding and I am NOT logging in during my honeymoon...NO WAY. :) But it takes a toll and doesn't allow much times for breaks. But I have a weekly checklist of all I need to do for that week and then the start of readings for the next week too. Trying to get ahead! :) It feels good when you actually do get ahead!

~Cleaning. Let's face it. This goes to the wayside (as mentioned above). I do my best to keep up, but it is just so tough. Fortunately, I have an awesome fiance that picks up behind me as I leave a trail through the apartment. :) He is an enormous help and I am so grateful for that.

Caught 3 fish but put them all back...they were too small to keep. But it was SO FUN!

~Social Engagements. KGK and I went fishing this past weekend, and it was just what I needed! Some fresh air and a break from all the craziness. I love that boy:) In addition to outdoor adventures, going out to eat with friends is one of my favorite things to do (and I have the waistline to prove it, unfortunately---hence the working out point that's next...hehe). I love going out and being with the people that make you happy and you have a good time with. I also enjoy that a lot of our friends have kids now. It has added such a fun dimension to our friendships and the types of gatherings we have now. A dinner filled with laughter now has the additional shrieks and laughter of little ones. And we used to talk about what we wanted to do with our lives, now its what they will do with theirs. I love it.

~Working Out. My goal this school year has been to incorporate more working out than I did in my first year. It is hard when you work full-time, are planning a wedding, have homework galore, and still have normal life stuff to get done (ie. cooking, cleaning, sleep, laundry, grocery shopping, etc.).--we all have our own crazy version of this list--- But, I know that physical health gives you such a boost to your mental and emotional health too. And it doesn't hurt to make up for those "out-to-eat calories" I mentioned earlier :)

These are the things on the top of my list that I think about on a daily basis, future self. The things that consume my thoughts when I am not allocating my brain resources elsewhere. I find that to get through the times where so many thoughts are swirling, I need to make a good old fashioned LIST. It is like an escape for my brain. If I write it down, I can make room for another thought in my head instead of trying to cram it all in there and the fear of forgetting something.

So today is list-making day...to plan for the next month of my life. It will have things crossed off quickly and other things will be added. But, at least it will help with my sanity:) We gotta do what we gotta do! :)

So, future self, what's going on? How's my life going? Is it time to make a list to get through this crazy time?

Sincerely,

~Almost AMK

Welcome to the weekend!

Friday. You are finally here! WAHOO!!!!!

WOW...life is busy. I LOVE IT. But Fridays arriving are one of the best feelings in the world. Work is busy. Wedding planning is busy. Birthday season has arrived for several of our close friends and family...and for Kyle too! Things are good. Things are crazy. But they are good.

One of the things I find most helpful during these crazy days is to have a schedule or a list, even on days off. If it says on my schedule that I need to take an hour break to go to the pool, I feel so much better than if I didn't have that penciled in. I told you from our first meeting that I loved a schedule, list or any form of organization. Now, if only I could have that filter into other areas of my life...like keeping up with my growing pile of laundry to fold or picking up clutter. HHmmmmm.... :)

Well, Happy Friday and have a great weekend!

~AMK