Right to Silence

Dear Current & Future Self,

So today is a slightly different letter to myself. One that doesn’t fit much of the tone of other posts here. Sometimes I have a hard time writing on topics that may cause waves or hurt others feelings. While I may be a strong-willed (ok, opinionated at times), my intentions are not to hurt others feelings or try and change another person’s mind. Very few people have ever heard me say who I vote for, my views of gay marriage, my views on parenting (especially because I don’t have kids to even know anything about this), or what I even believe in the religious sense. Not because I don’t have strong beliefs and not because I won’t tell you if you ask. The reason I don’t blurt these things out or post proficiently on social media outlets my views on these very sensitive topics is not because I don’t have an opinion. It isn’t because I do not want to talk about it or I don’t have good reasons backing up my beliefs. The reason I don’t blurt these things out is not because I am afraid to speak my mind nor am I downplaying to right to free speech. I wholeheartedly believe in these things. However, some people blurt these things out without thinking of other people. They don’t consider the struggles others are going through and your intentions are not always shown as clearly in a facebook post or a tweet. 

Some people may not like this. That’s fine. You can post your thoughts and there is nothing wrong with that. But just know, that if you can be as bold to post those kinds of controversial thoughts, you need to be prepared for others to respectively decline to delve into a battle with you over that idea or issue. Just because I do not humor you into agreeing or disagreeing with you publically doesn’t mean I don’t have a strong opinion. Sometimes it just isn’t worth the raising of blood pressure over arguing. And many times, there can be disrespect thrown out when it wasn’t intended to be that in the first place. So if you decide to share those thoughts, that is awesome. But you need to respect those that don’t want to throw out those same thoughts too. Some people don’t want to create enemies over a simple disagreement. So when you post something bold on facebook, twitter, instagram, or whatever, or decide to ask very personal questions to someone, be prepared if that person respectfully declines to comment. It may have nothing to do with you or everything to do with you. Just know that if you get to be bold and ask, I get to be bold and be silent. That is my right too.

It is funny. This is something that I have thought of strongly over the years. My right to be silent. I am a talker and I am very open person. However, when it comes to things that could hurt others feelings or if I am being insensitive to the struggles others may be going through and my opinion would only hurt them more in their struggles, sometimes it is better to be there for someone then tell them what you think. We all fall prey to this "quick-to-respond-reaction". I know I do, but just as it is my right to freely speak, it is also my right to freely remain silent. All growing up, my parents said to think before I speak. When you are a fast talker, that is hard to do. But it is something I am constantly striving to do. There would probably be a lot less hurt feelings and oppression if people would actually think how their message will be received than just how is sounds coming out of their mouths.

Do I always follow through with this? This right to remain silent. Most definitely NOT. I am quick to fill silence and quick to say something that probably isn't the right thing to say. However, it is something that I am trying to train myself to do more. I think many people really do try to be careful. I don't think that most people are out there to hurt others. Not at all. I think we sometimes forget how the other person may receive our comment and that is something I want to continually work on. My right to silence is something that needs to be practiced. It is not something that comes naturally to me, but I have thought about this a lot over the past few years. Something that I think others can benefit from too. Sometimes, it just isn't worth the argument for hurt feelings.

Dear Future Self: WE did it!

Dear Future Self,

I want you to remember today. This moment. This last night. You have been working so hard to get this degree finished, and you are here. You have made it. You just have one presentation left, and you have your Master's degree...GO YOU!

Future Self, I want you to remember what this feels like. The excitement, the anticipation, the I-CAN'T-BELIEVE-I-MADE-IT feeling. It has been a hard couple years. There has been less sleep, more stress, lots of reading and writing, too much snacking (which in turn lead to gaining the grad school 15...yeah don't be fooled...it is not limited to college freshmen...UNFORTUNATELY!), and not enough exercising. But, it is worth it! You made it. You got through working full time, starting to date your now-husband, got married, had a mini-moon (our short honeymoon because of being in the middle of the semester), and many fun events having to be turned down because I had homework to do. No more turning down working out, or going out with friends, or watching a moving with the hubs. I get to be a normal adult! Well, let's be honest. Normal will never be a word that accurately describes me, but I can at least attempt to be normal:)

I can't believe I made it and I now need to do a round of thanks...picture it like at the grammy's or another award show, except I am sitting at home, in PJ's and the audience I currently have is my dog watching to see if I drop a morsel of a snack to him. But I really am grateful for all the support my friends and family have given me during this time. SO here it goes:

First.....KGK...well, you rock! You met me just a couple weeks before I started this graduate school journey and you have been with me through it all. You have only known me to be a grad student. I am excited to show you who I am without homework and other school stuff to do. I can't wait to have more time for us.  I am glad I can now pull my own weight when it comes to normal life stuff like cleaning and errands.  During this whole process, you would walk the dog, do errands or chores, or just sit there and tell me I could do it when I needed to hear it most. You are the most supportive person I have ever met, and I am so grateful for you. :)

And to my friends...thank you for not giving up on me with all my "I can't hang out" or cutting fun short because I had to do more homework. Thanks for still being my friend even though I was so busy and I didn't give you a lot of my time. Well now, I have more time! Let's celebrate! :) Beer? wings? let's make it happen.

And to my family, y'all have been awesome. Listening to my rants and raves, and ups and downs about my various classes, scheduling issues, and whatever else it was at the time. You listened. I talked. and talked. But you still listened. You had no idea what I was talking about, but you still listened. So thank you for that! :)

So future self, as life gets busy with other things, because we know it will, just remember this moment just before the finish. Remember how it feels to have 2+ years of late evenings, lots of papers and group projects, and all that hard work paying off. And remember that you didn't do it without the support of your family and friends. They made it happen as much as you did sitting doing those assignments....

So basically....

CONGRATS Y'ALL. We made it!

:)

I'm off to do my last presentation of grad school...here goes nothing EVERYTHING! :)

~AMK

Dear Future Self: Spring & New Beginnings

Dear Future Self,

This spring has been a crazy whirlwind for me. I am finishing up my last couple weeks of graduate school, working with a new system at work that is actually working quite well (woot woot!), a new little nephew on the way, and am loving having more free time now that the bulk of my capstone work is wrapping up. I haven't had free time like this in a while. It is NICE:)

A couple weekends ago, I helped host my SIL's baby shower. We made the felt letters, and they turned out so cute! (I will post a follow-up to that...it was quite a fun craft!)  It was great to see family and hang out with the mom-to-be!  Gotta love all those little baby clothes and gifts and showering the new little family with some much needed goodies.

In my last few weeks of school, I am really enjoying extra time spent with family and friends. I love having plans to do things on the weekends that do not involve getting up at 6am to do homework, but instead sleeping in a little, actually cleaning our home, and doing fun things with friends. I am very much treasuring this spring weather and time spent doing "fun" things.

Also, KGK went to a baseball game recently and thoroughly enjoyed soaking up the warmer temps while enjoying a hot dog, people watching (at least that's one of my favorite parts of going to the games!), an ice cold beer, and not having to wear a bunch of layers to tolerate being outside. I am loving spring!

Happy Spring!

~AMK

Dear Future Self: Time & Valentine

Dear Future Self,

For the past several days, I have been basking in a lesser homework load. However, that lighter workload couldn't have come at a better time as work got kinda crazy all at once. So having a little less to work in the evenings after some very busy days has been great.

Valentine's Day was a nice, simple day for us. We ordered food and brought it home and watched a movie. I don't watch many movies while in school, so sitting a being able to watch one was fantastic. Nothing too extravagant, but it was just perfect. I had my husband-valentine and my pup-valentine...I am one blessed and happy lady:)

Other than that, things are just plugging along. Amazing how life's days are so filled yet there seems to be little going on, all at the same time. But I am trying to treasure these days of just normal busyness because as we all know, crazy happens so quickly. So I am trying to enjoy the feeling of "what do I do" because I am so used to having a to-do list that is so long I don't know where to start.

Well, I guess cleaning should be happening, since that is an ever-present need that always is on the list. Maybe I'll start on that...maybe :)

Happy Weekend!

~AMK

Dear Future Self: It is no longer a stream. It's a flood!

Dear Future Self:

Here is my stream flooding of consciousness, in an effort to give my brain a break at thinking. It is amazing how simply writing things down makes it feel like it is no longer swirling aimlessly in my brain but has a place, a definitive space in my life and gives me comfort to know I have recognized that thought and it is no longer clouding my brain and my thinking.

Working Out. My stinkin' knee lately has given me trouble for a couple weeks! boo.... I love going to the high aerobic type classes at the gym, but with a recent knee twist, it has set me back in my work out patterns. In hopes of getting back into the work our groove, I tried a class last week. Not a good idea. My knee was still giving me trouble apparently. So this week, I am being lazy filling my time with other things I needs to be doing, and not hitting up the gym. The knee is much better, but still needs to be rested a bit to ensure it is all better. Then, I am back at it!! :)

Eating Healthy. Trying...but so much easier to each unhealthy foods sometimes. Keep on keepin' on...

Homework. Where to begin. This semester is kicking my butt with group projects, my individual projects and trying to do a book review. My planner is my best friend lately, and I STILL feel like I am missing stuff. No laziness allowed this semester, that's for sure! While it is not allowed, it still happens. Enjoying those bits of lazy times and enjoying it while it lasts:) I just keep thinking of May and all the glory that comes with being DONE.

Life in general. Life is great! :) I feel like every moment is taken up with doing something, but let's face it, if I weren't busy with work, school and all the normal life stuff, I'd most definitely be looking to fill my time with something. I am a glutton for busyness...my mother will attest to this and me being a very active, into everything type of child. Thanks Mom for putting up with me:)

Weather blues. PICK A TEMPERATURE... preferably warm:)

Thanks for listening to the rants and ramblings of one head-spinning-with-busyness chick.

I feel better already! :)

Hope you are having a good Monday! :)

~AMK

Advent of Crazy?

Dear Future Self,

Today, I sit here at my computer feeling like the world is going so fast around me and I am in slow motion. You know that feeling, future self, don’t you?  The feeling that lines are blurring, and you standing there with your life circling around you, and it is going so fast you can hardly keep up. I think the Christmas season is like that for many of us. We have more gatherings, more cooking, more cleaning, and more crafting than we typically partake in for a whole year! The hustle and bustle is so fun, but it sure is overwhelming too.

For this year, our first year being married, we are taking in all things us. We are going to our friend’s parties, we are creating our own traditions, we are enjoying decorating our first place together and are doing our shopping and crafting and preparations with feelings of excitement and newness. Having our first Christmas as a hitched woman is starting off great so far this season. Loving that there is going to be so much time to spend with those we love and care for. And, we are missing all those that we are not able to be with too. But, we will be sending our love and hopefully doing some Skyping too J (Future self, do you still use skype or has teleportation become the latest and greatest?)

So while I am here at my computer, looking at my calendar that is quickly filling and my to-do list is growing with little being crossed off yet, I am trying to focus on how awesome this time of year is. How grateful I am for this holiday season and all the life it brings to us. It stretches us and makes us do more with what seems like less time. So I am getting my list-making skills at the ready because its gonna be a busy but fun ride!

Basking in the holiday cheer,

~AMK

Dear Future Self: DIY Wedding Thanks

Dear Future Self:

If there is one thing that I have learned about preparing for a wedding, and having it a DIY wedding, is that your family and friends deserve so much thanks for all their help.  Whether it be a shower they planned, a bachelorette outing, craft help or just being there to offer a listening ear, these are the things I want to cherish during this preparation time just before the BIG DAY.

So THANK YOU to everyone who is making this chapter of our lives so FANTASTIC!! Y’all rock!

~AMK

Dear Future Self: The Home Stretch

Dear Future Self,

So we are on the home stretch of wedding planning, KGK and I! We are putting all the final touches to all things pre-wedding and pre-family arriving into town! :) We are so unbelievably excited!! :)

almost there!

So here's a few things that I want to remember when I look back on the last days/week before our wedding:

***

~I am nervous. Not about getting hitched, but about all the details. We are planners so that helps, but man! It still makes ya nervous. :)

~I have been doing really well with working out and plan to keep that up for the last little while before the wedding. I really enjoy water aerobics, cycling classes, core/abs classes and walking Buddy. I know he likes it when I decide to stay home and walk him instead of hitting the gym!

~I'm getting all my homework done and some from the week of and after the wedding. Staying on top of homework is one thing, but getting ahead...UGH! But I am doing it! Trying to stay positive! :)

~Have a few last minute things to buy, but other than that, all my accessories and dress stuff is taken care of for the most part. PHEW! That's always a big relief!

~Gettin' my tan on! Trying to have a little color so I'm not the stark white chick in the stark white dress;) So just getting a little rays to give me a good ole fashion glow.

~One of my good friends gets married just before us!! We are very excited to see them get married too! :)

~In honor of cooler temps and fall, I have a crock pot full of homemade chili waiting for us for dinner tonight. YUM!

***

So there you have it. Just a few things going on the last stretch before the BIG DAY!  Buddy, you are gonna officially have a Daddy! ;)

Buddy lovin' a car ride!

Until next time...

~AMK

Dear Future Self: Time Enjoyed

Dear Future Self,

Remember: Life will always seem crazy. We usually fill our 24 hours of the day with a lot of busyness. Sometimes it is TV watching, homework, working out, or hanging out with friends. ETC. ETC. ETC.

Cup number 2 of the day

I know that these very busy days we have been having lately (and have scheduled to happen in the next several weeks as we lead up to our wedding), and they need to be treasured. So here are some things that I want you remember when life is so different several years and decades from now. [like...Do you still run on coffee as much as I do right now??] So here is your life as an engaged girl in the last month of preparing for your wedding:

Soon-to-be ~ AMK

~Name Change. This is the last month that I will still be technically single. I will have this last name for only 1 month more, then I will have a new last name and be known to people only by that name. People who have known me forever will know me as AMM to AMK. But people I will meet after our wedding day, will know me only as AMK. That is so crazy to me, but also so exciting! (Future self, how is it to be AMK? Do you ever accidentally sign your old name even though it has been changed for years now??). I wonder these things:)

So very tired...

~Sleep. I am a person that needs a lot of sleep. Like, 9 hours a night. (You are probably laughing at me future self!!) Otherwise, a lot of my stomach issues start to act up and can cause me to have several weeks or months of issues. Therefore, sleeping is a wonderful thing for me so I can tackle my days fully and completely. I don't understand how some people can operate on 5-6 hours a sleep a night and be ok. Now, I don't always get my 9 hours that I like because let's face it, life doesn't work like that. So I try to do what I can to get as much as possible because I feel so much better when I do. But right now? Not happening. After work, I have just a few precious hours before I start to do the head-bobbing, crash on the couch until the TV wakes me up, bit. So after work, I try to fit in a workout, do homework, cook something for dinner, and do wedding preparations. That's a lot for just a few hours before bed. Oh yeah, and laundry or cleaning. HAHA, yeah, that doesn't always happen. ;)

Having a beer with homework? Don't mind if I do! ;)

~Homework. I LOVE school. The deadlines, the task lists, and the ability to further myself. Right now, I am trying to get ahead on my work so I won't have to do anything while family is in town for the wedding and I am NOT logging in during my honeymoon...NO WAY. :) But it takes a toll and doesn't allow much times for breaks. But I have a weekly checklist of all I need to do for that week and then the start of readings for the next week too. Trying to get ahead! :) It feels good when you actually do get ahead!

~Cleaning. Let's face it. This goes to the wayside (as mentioned above). I do my best to keep up, but it is just so tough. Fortunately, I have an awesome fiance that picks up behind me as I leave a trail through the apartment. :) He is an enormous help and I am so grateful for that.

Caught 3 fish but put them all back...they were too small to keep. But it was SO FUN!

~Social Engagements. KGK and I went fishing this past weekend, and it was just what I needed! Some fresh air and a break from all the craziness. I love that boy:) In addition to outdoor adventures, going out to eat with friends is one of my favorite things to do (and I have the waistline to prove it, unfortunately---hence the working out point that's next...hehe). I love going out and being with the people that make you happy and you have a good time with. I also enjoy that a lot of our friends have kids now. It has added such a fun dimension to our friendships and the types of gatherings we have now. A dinner filled with laughter now has the additional shrieks and laughter of little ones. And we used to talk about what we wanted to do with our lives, now its what they will do with theirs. I love it.

~Working Out. My goal this school year has been to incorporate more working out than I did in my first year. It is hard when you work full-time, are planning a wedding, have homework galore, and still have normal life stuff to get done (ie. cooking, cleaning, sleep, laundry, grocery shopping, etc.).--we all have our own crazy version of this list--- But, I know that physical health gives you such a boost to your mental and emotional health too. And it doesn't hurt to make up for those "out-to-eat calories" I mentioned earlier :)

These are the things on the top of my list that I think about on a daily basis, future self. The things that consume my thoughts when I am not allocating my brain resources elsewhere. I find that to get through the times where so many thoughts are swirling, I need to make a good old fashioned LIST. It is like an escape for my brain. If I write it down, I can make room for another thought in my head instead of trying to cram it all in there and the fear of forgetting something.

So today is list-making day...to plan for the next month of my life. It will have things crossed off quickly and other things will be added. But, at least it will help with my sanity:) We gotta do what we gotta do! :)

So, future self, what's going on? How's my life going? Is it time to make a list to get through this crazy time?

Sincerely,

~Almost AMK